In Somali society, people are often given many nicknames some affectionate, others deeply hurtful. For unmarried women, those names can become emotional wounds, reflecting how society measures a woman’s worth by her marital status.
This story explores the psychological and social pain caused by the cruel labels directed at women who have not yet married names like “Gumeeys” (a woman who’s been left behind), “You’ve missed your time,” or the harsh saying “A woman must marry or end up in the grave.”
Sagal Aadan’s Story: From Pain to Strength
Sagal Aadan is a Somali woman who has endured years of cruel comments about her single status. Today, she speaks openly and confidently about the emotional journey that brought her healing.
“Our Somali society is quick to push women into marriage. The moment a woman begins to focus on herself, people rush to attach her to a man often without even asking what she wants,” she said.
She recalls that the question she hears most often is:
“When are you getting married?”
No one asks whether she has studied, has a career, or is pursuing her goals only if she’s married and how many children she has.
“People used to say to me, ‘Before you become a leftover woman, just get married.’ Those words hurt. But today, I feel free. I live my life on my own terms. I’m no longer under pressure,” she said with a smile.
Sagal now encourages other women not to give in to social pressure:
“No one should be forced into marriage. Every woman deserves the right to choose her own time and focus on her education, career, and happiness.”
Different Views: Between Mockery and Understanding
Not everyone in Somali society views unmarried women with compassion.
Feysal Jimaale Abdi, one of the young men interviewed, expressed a harsh opinion:
“I think women who reach 30 and are still single deserve to be called Gumeeys. They’ve been home too long without getting married so yes, they deserve that name.”
However, another man, Abdi Nuur Hasan, had a more thoughtful perspective:
“For me, an older woman who has studied and matured is the best person to marry. She’s wise, stable, and ready for real partnership. That’s when marriage truly makes sense.”
These contrasting views reflect the deep divide in Somali attitudes toward women’s independence and marriage.
The Psychological Damage of Hurtful Words
Dr Idil Awil Ilmi, a psychologist and founder of the Care for Sool mental health centre, says that such verbal attacks can have devastating effects on women’s mental health.
“When a woman is labelled negatively because she’s unmarried, it’s like killing her spirit while she’s still alive,” she explained.
“Marriage and motherhood are part of life but they are not the whole of life. A person’s value should never be defined by whether they are married or not.”
Dr Idil urges Somali society to understand that every woman’s life path is different and that happiness comes from self-worth, not social approval.
The Cultural Perspective
Ahmed Mohamed Mahmoud, a Somali elder, believes forced marriage causes more harm than good.
“When marriage happens out of pressure, it often ends in conflict or divorce,” he said.
“But if two people marry out of mutual consent, that marriage stands a real chance of success.”
The Emotional Impact: Wounds You Can’t See
For many women, hearing words like “You’re past your time” or “You’ve become a leftover” chips away at their confidence. Over time, these comments can lead to isolation, anxiety, and depression.
The pain is invisible but deeply felt. Behind every smile may be a woman quietly battling the weight of judgment.
Conclusion: Redefining a Woman’s Worth
It’s time for Somali society to rethink how it values women.
Marriage is a beautiful part of life, but it should never be the only measure of a woman’s worth.
Unmarried women are not failures; they are dreamers, achievers, and builders of tomorrow.
We must replace words that wound with words that empower and create a culture where every woman feels respected, whether married or not.
Written by Ifrah Kaaki, one of the ten female journalists who won Bilan Media’s storytelling competition.
